


Surprise, You Egg

by Java_bean



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 4/13, Gen, John's Birthday, Surprise Party, but I don't think there's enough to warrant sadstuck in the tags, that's not really what this fic is about, there is some sad, there's mentions of relationships but not really enough for me to use the relationships tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-18 17:18:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10621521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Java_bean/pseuds/Java_bean
Summary: John's birthday is coming up, and Jade has a plan





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 413!!!!  
> I just wanted to write something for John's birthday. Sorry if it's not very good.

gardenGnostic [GG] created memo board ‘413’  
GG: alright everybody listen up!  
turntechGodhead [TG] responded to memo  
TG: holy shit its a memo I havent seen a memo in literal ages what the fuck is this im choking on the rank nostalgia fumes over here harley what is this  
TG: seriously whats with this primitive dinosaur tech youre using whats so important we couldnt chat about it over our better more advanced modern newfangled way of putting text over pictures that disappear in a matter of seconds  
GG: because this is serious, dave!  
TG: too serious for snapchat  
tentacleTherapist [TT] responded to memo  
TT: Nothing is too serious for Snapchat.  
TG: see rose agrees with me  
TT: I’ve got your back, bro. Especially when dear Snapchat’s reputation is on the line.  
GG: i’m not saying that Snapchat is bad! i’m just saying it’s not good for large group discussions  
TG: excuse me we chat in large groups all the gog damn time thats how we planned rose and kanayas wedding remember  
TT: As a member of the aforementioned wedding party, yes I do remember that.  
TT: Mostly I remember being very stressed.  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] responded to memo  
GA: There Were Also Quite A Lot Of Memes  
TG: whats a marriage without memes  
TT: That's very similar to a question Kanaya asked me shortly after I proposed.  
TG: what did she ask  
GG: probably if we could get back to the memo!  
TG: nah kanaya wouldnt say that that doesnt sound like her  
TT: What's a marry?  
TG: what  
TT: That's what Kanaya asked me right after I proposed. I said "Will you marry me?" and Kanaya followed up my inquiry with "What's a marry?"  
TT: I was too lost in my own anxiety over popping the proverbial question that I failed to realize my own ethnocentricism over the subject. I didn't even consider the fact that her species might not have a concept of marriage. I was so scared at the possibility of her saying no that I wasn't prepared for that question.  
TT: The question caught me so off guard that I was practically too hysterical to answer.  
GA: Correction  
TT: No.   
TG: yes  
GA: Rose Did Become Too Hysterical To Answer My Question   
GA: She Was Rendered Completely Speechless And Just Curled Up On The Floor In Front Of Me And Laughed Until She Cried Since She Was Unable To Answer My Question I Was Forced To Seek An Answer Elsewhere  
TT: Remind me to thank Karkat for that very detailed lecture he gave you about human weddings.  
GA: Yes It Was Quite An Interesting Lecture  
TT: Especially the visual aids.  
TG: i helped with those  
GG: wow, that was such a cute story you guys :O  
GG: it's a shame i'm only hearing about it now, that would have been great at the wedding  
GG: or hey, you know when else?  
TG: when else  
GG: any other time than right now  
TG: i had a feeling thats where you were going with this but you know what its always good to make sure of these things i mean im not a seer i cant predict shit except when someones gonna drop a sick burn so you know what nice job i cant say i didnt see it coming but i liked it anyway it was a real pleasure to be a part of that and im sorry its over  
GG: i have plenty more where that came from if everybody doesnt stop and would just let me talk >:I  
gallowsCallibrator [GC] responded to memo  
GC: 4R3 YOU M4K1NG FUN OF M3 >:?  
GC: F1RST YOU US3 MY S4CR3D L3TT3RS 4S TH3 N4M3 OF YOUR PR3C1OUS M3MO  
TG: how sacred could those letters be if you text with them  
GC: TH3N YOU US3 MY FUCK1NG 3MOJ1! YOU DONT 3V3N H4V3 HORNS J4D3  
GG: terezi, i'm not making fun of you those are eyebrows i'm mad, they're angry eyebrows to express that because it's clearly not getting through to anybody!  
GG: as for your letters i wasn't using them for letters they're numbers 4/13 specifically  
GG: because it's john's birthday!  
TG: oh shit youre right what the fuck are we doing for that  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  responded to memo  
TG: its also janey's b-day!!!!! dont forget about that!  
TG: what the fuck jade why are you forgetting about our resident milf jane why would you do that  
GG: no one's forgetting jane!  
TG: or maybe sexy grandma is a better title shes johns grandmas alpha ecto or whatever right  
TT: Something like that, yes. Although if the trend continues to progress at its' current rate than you may be able to start referring to Jane as your smilf someday.  
GA: Smilf  
GC: SM1LF  
TT: Step-mother I'd love to fuck.  
TG: thats a good one but wouldnt it be silf  
TT: No because that's Kanaya and you're not allowed to touch her.  
TG: i dont think well be gettin to smilf territory anytime soon i just hit girlfriend territory and i want to stick with that for a bit keep this relationship on the pleasure cruise if you get my meaning *wink wink nudge nudge*  
GG: roxy i'm happy for you and jane and calliope really, that's great, but you just brought up what this memo was about!  
TG: this memo is about fucking jane  
GG: no! it's about john!  
TG: this memo is about fucking john  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] responded to memo  
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I COME BACK TO MY HIVE FTER A LONG, EXHAUSTING DAY OF SHOVELING SHIT INTO THIS FURNACE OF A KINGDOM WHILE BEING POUNDED IN THE ASS WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A PITCHFORK UNTIL MY WASTECHUTE IS RAW AND BLEEDING AND MY FRONDS ARE BLISTERED FROM ALL OF THE GOG DAMN SHOVELING I DID. HERE I AM, JUST READY TO COLLAPSE AND DIE IN A POOL OF MY OWN SWEAT AND TEARS, TO DROWN IN WHAT LITTLE FLUIDS MY POOR, WEAK BODY HAS LEFT TO LEAK OUT OF ME AND SAY GOOD BYE TO THIS NEW PLANET. YOU KNOW WHY I DIDN'T? DO YOU KNOW WHAT KEPT ME GOING? WHAT MADE ME FIGHT FANG AND CLAW TO DRAG MYSELF TO MY HIVE AND LET TODAY GO? YOU GUYS. MY FRIENDS. I WAS LAYING THERE, READY TO LET GO AND TAKE MY CHANCES IN WHATEVER THE FUCK THE AFTERLIFE IS NOW, AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF; MY FRIENDS ARE ALL AMAZING AND DOING GREAT, THEY'RE ALL IN SUCH A GOOD PLACE RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO STICK AROUND AT LEAST FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER AND SEE WHAT THEY ALL DO NEXT. I DON'T WANT TO MISS ANYTHING IMPORTANT THAT HAPPENS WITH THEM.   
CG: SO, SPURRED ON BY THOUGHTS OF MY WONDERFUL, LOVELY FRIENDS, I CRAWLED ALL THE WAY OVER TO MY HIVE AND ONTO MY COUCH, SOAKING THE CUSHIONS IN SWEAT AND ASSBLOOD AS I OPENED UP MY HUSKTOP. THERE I FOUND...WHAT? A MEMO? IN THIS DAY AND AGE? WOW, HOW EXCITING! IT WAS ENOUGH TO ALMOST TO MAKE ME FORGET THE SHOOTING PAINS RADIATING FROM MY WASTECHUTE ALL THE WAY UP TO MY PAN FOR AWHILE. SO I OPEN UP THIS MEMO, STARTED BY MY SWEET FRIEND, JADE HARLEY, ONLY TO BE ASSAULTED WITH THE PHRASE:  
CG: THIS MEMO IS ABOUT FUCKING JOHN.  
CG: WHICH LEADS ME TO QUESTION: WHY. THE FUCK. IS THIS MEMO ABOUT FUCKING JOHN? JADE, THAT'S DISGUSTING! FROM WHAT I KNOW ABOUT YOUR HUMAN ECTOBIOLOGICAL RELATIONSHIP THAT'S THE MOST INEFFABLY REVOLTING THING YOU CAN DO. JUST THE THOUGHT OF IT MADE ME PUKE. I WOULD EXIT THIS MEMO AND CLEAN IT UP, BUT I'M FAR TOO WEAK AND NAUSEATED TO MOVE.  
GG: karkat, you know that's not what this memo's about! i'll be honest, i'm really starting to lose my patience here, and karkat you're not helping at all, so unless you have something important to add, which you won't because i never got to say what this memo was actually about yet, then i think you should just shut the fuck up, kay?  
TG: i just cant believe you only bothered to respond after 'this memo is about fucking john' dude youve been here for over an hour and thats the part you bother to respond to  
GG: dave, the shut up goes double for you  
GG: can i get back to why i made this in the first place or did you all want to continue to hijack my memo?  
GC: 1D LOV3 TO H1J4CK 1T BUT 1 DONT H4V3 4NYTH1NG MOR3 TO 4DD  
GA: I Could Add More But Nothing That Would Be Beneficial To This Memo  
TT: I have come to that very conclusion myself about anything that I would possibly have to add to this memo right now.  
TG: same  
GG: okay, good! i'm glad we're all finally on the same page!  
GG: so like i've been trying to say this whole time, this memo is about john because his birthday is coming up and we need to do something special for him!  
GG: he hasnt seemed like his old self in awhile he's kind of sad ever since we won the game we need to remind him that we love him and we're here for him!  
TG: okay sorry i dont mean to interrupt but doesnt terezi hate john  
GC: OH 1 H4T3 H1M 4LR1GHT  
GC: 1 H4T3 H1M 4LL N1GHT LONG >:] > :] >:]   
TG: well that was gross information that i really didnt need thanks tez  
GC: YOUR3 W3LCOM3 COOLK1D  
GG: terezi and john's kismesisitude aside, we all love john and we want to see him happy  
TT: I would definitely say that's right. What are you suggesting we do?  
GG: i think...we should throw john a party!  
TT: You don't really think a birthday party is enough to keep John happy, do you?  
GG: no, but it's a start  
TT: So, what's your plan for this party?  
GG: it's a surprise!  
TT: A surprise party. Fun. I've never been to one myself.  
GG: i thought it would be fun, too! the only problem is i need to get john out of the house for long enough to set up and bake the cake and all that other party shit  
TT: What day and for how long?  
GG: i was thinking tomorrow, preferably all day  
TT: That takes Kanaya and myself out of the picture, then. We could possibly leave the grubs long enough to help you prepare for the party if you wanted.  
GG: thanks, i could use the help! i was thinking dave and karkat could hang out with john for the day?  
GG: karkat i can hear you typing from *here* stop it just tell dave what you think let him type it.  
GG: if you type one word i'll fly over there and kick your ass  
CG: I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I'M MORE THAN FINE WITH HANGING OUT WITH JOHN FOR THE DAY, BUT FUCK, WHATEVER, I'LL KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT SINCE APPARENTLY MY OPINION ISN'T WORTH A MAGGOT'S DECAYING TURD ON A PIECE OF MOLDY GRUBLOAF. I'LL JUST SIT HERE, GRINDING MY CALCIUM NUBS DOWN TO THE BONE AND EXPERIENCING THE UNIVERSE'S FIRST SILENT ANEURYSM.  
TG: pretty sure most aneurysms are silent  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased responding to memo  
TG: anyway karkat and i are both totally cool with chilling with john tomorrow i feel like its been ages since ive seen that egg just tell me a time you want him back and boom its a done deal  
TG: you said tomorrow right  
GG: yeah, tomorrow!  
TG: okay tomorrow see you then  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased responding to memo  
TT: Pester me when you want us over to help with things.  
GG: will do!  
tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased responding to memo  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased responding to memo  
GC:D1D YOU N33D M3 FOR 4NYTH1NG  
GG: you can come over and help with the decorations or maybe with john if you want  
GC: N4H 1M W1TH JOHN 4LL TH3 T1ME 1D R4TH3R H4NG OUT W1TH YOU GUYS  
TG: ill try to come over and help if i can, but i might be out with jane for awhile  
GG: that's okay! we could use jane's help, too i have a feeling none of us know how to bake a cake  
TG: lol ill see if shes down for that tomorrow  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased responding to memo  
gallowsCallibrator [GC] ceased responding to memo  
gardenGnostic [GG] closed memo


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me a lot longer than expected, sorry!
> 
> Anyway, here it is, the second/last chapter of my attempt at a 4/13 fic.
> 
> I hope you like reading it!

A young man stands alone in his bedroom, investigating the stubble on his face. As he rubs his hand along the little hairs standing on his cheek, he regrets destroying Earth's entire stock of shaving cream when he was thirteen. It wouldn't have made too much of a difference even if he'd had shaving cream, though, because the young man had never learned how to shave. His father died before he could teach him.  
The date is April 13th, the anniversary of the day he and his friends decided to play a game that changed all of their lives for (literally) forever. Consequently, it is also the anniversary of the day his entire home planet was destroyed by meteors. It is also the young man's birthday.

The young man yawns and rubs his eyes, he has only just woken up even though it is past noon already. He stares at his disheveled reflection in the dark. He has yet to turn on his light or open his curtains. A sliver of light slides through the gap between the curtains. He needs new ones. These ones are almost ten years old. 

He stares at his reflection, not recognizing the man in the glass. He closes his eyes and recalls a time before everything changed. A time when he was younger. A time when he was happier. He rests his forehead against the glass. 

Today, the 13th of April, is this young man's birthday. Though it has been many years since he was given life through the strange and incomprehensible science of ectobiology, he has yet to receive a name. 

What will the name of this young man be?

...this young man already has a name. He's had a name for eight whole years now. It's John Egbert. His name is John Egbert. 

He opens his eyes and pounds his fist weakly against the glass. He knows that his name is John Egbert, and that today is his twenty-first birthday. 

He puts his glasses on, runs a hand through his messy hair, and shakes his head vigorously at the tired man in the glass. He doesn't want to think about what day it is. He doesn't want to think about every awful thing that happened that day, or what happened in his original timeline, or what had to happen for him to even arrive in the one he is currently living in, with the people who are the same but not exactly the same as the friends he'd embarked on this journey all those years ago. On his birthday.

On _your_ birthday.

Your name is John Egbert, and sometimes you think in third person when you're depressed or drunk. Recently, there's been no division between the two. You're depressed, you drink. You drink, you get depressed. You have a bottle hiding inside a drawer in your bedside table right now.

You glance back at the mirror, at the reflection you know is you but don't acknowledge as you, and stumble over to your bed. You lean against the wall and open your desk drawer so you can take out the bottle. You've been doing this so often lately that you don't even need to look anymore.

You open it and take a long drink straight out of the bottle, it burns the back of your throat and splashes into your empty stomach. You don't care how hollow and acidic your insides feel, or how hungry you are, or how you feel like if there was anything in your stomach right now, you would eventually just throw it back up again because that's how much you plan on drinking today.

You don't care that it's your birthday.

No, that's a lie. You do care that it's your birthday.

You care enough to try to forget.

You take another swig, and it burns just as much the second time. It burns enough that you swallow in an attempt to cool your throat. What proof is this bottle, anyway? You have no idea, you'd never bothered to check. It wouldn't matter even if you did check, because you don't really understand what proof means.

You wish you'd stayed asleep today. 

You close your eyes, and just as you think you're about to get your wish to pass out, your doorbell rings. You shoot up in bed and rub your eyes. Who in the world could possibly be ringing your doorbell _today_ of all days?

Probably one of your friends, you think as you shuffle out of bed. You know you shouldn't be upset about seeing your friends, you fucking love your friends more than anything in the world, but despite that love you have for all of them, there are still times where you would prefer to be by yourself. 

Your birthday is one of those days.

Whoever it is keeps ringing the bell, and you make a note to have it disconnected soon. The sound's giving you a headache. You drag your feet all the way down the stairs and to the door before it occurs to you that you're not exactly fit to see visitors. You're a sloppy mess dressed in nothing but last night's shirt and the same pair of boxers you've been wearing all week. Well, you shrug as you look down at yourself, it's too late to change now. 

You open the door just enough to peek your head out and see Dave and Karkat standing on your front step. You don't think they've noticed you standing here yet, because Dave is still ringing the bell.

"Dave, quit pushing the fucking dongshouter!" Karkat's pulling on Dave's arm, but it doesn't seem to have any effect on Dave. He just keeps ringing your doorbell. "Save being an annoying dipsht for after he's agreed to hang out with us, okay? Between your constant acts of douchebaggery and my personality, John's not going to want to get us out of that rat's nest he calls hair as soon as he can. You realize that, right?"

"Yeah, I realize that." He's still pressing the bell. "You know what else I realized? You never say bell. I know you know the word, and don't you dare claim any of that "it's part of your culture" bullshit, you only use troll words for slang, cussing, or if you don't know the human equivalent. I think you just like saying dong. That is the only logical reason why you would continue to say dongshouter instead of bell. Admit it, Karkat. You love dong. Say it. Say you love dong and I'll stop ringing the doorbell. Come on, Karkat, I know you do, just say it and I'll stop. Say it."

"Fine! Fine, I love dong!" Karkat lets go of Dave and throws his hands up into the air. "If that's what you really want to hear, I'll shout it from the fucking hivetops! I love dong! I love dong _so fucking much_ I wish I could human marry it! Dong means so much to me, I want it in each and every one of my quadrants! Shit, my nook is just _aching_ for some dong, it's almost agonizing. No amount of fantasy and masturbation will ever compare to the satisfaction I would get from just one minute of a dong in me. Do you hear that Earth C? I, Karkat Vantas, fucking _love_ dong!"

Karkat stops talking long enough to catch his breath, winded from all the impassioned shouting. "Are you happy now, Dave?"

Dave's trying really hard not to laugh. "More than you'll ever know, man. More than you'll _ever_ know."

Karkat raises an eyebrow. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

As much as you're loving this conversation, (seriously, you really are) you're starting to feel like a third wheel at your own house. Plus your legs are getting cold from standing here with the door open, letting the air breeze past your bare legs. It's about time they go home.

"Hey guys," you interrupt, "what brings you over?"  
That gets both their attention pretty quickly. 

"John!"

"Hey, man."

"Yeah, hey." You repeat. "What's up?"

"What's up is it's your fucking birthday, dude!" Dave says. "Happy birthday!"

You open your mouth to say thank you, but you end up sputtering out bits of confetti instead. You brush it out of your hair as Dave continues to throw more and more confetti at you with the straightest face you've ever seen.

"Thanks." You give up on removing the confetti and just let it pile on your head and shoulders. 

"We were wondering if you wanted to come out with us," Karkat asks, "maybe for lunch? Our treat?"

"Your treat, actually." Dave interjects. "I forgot to bring any money with me."

"Seriously?" Karkat groans. "Okay, fuck, fine, my treat then. That's perfectly fine. I'll pay for everybody, but you're paying me back for your part later, Dave!"

"Kay, sure." Dave shrugs. He's still throwing confetti at you. How much confetti does he have? "In case I don't have any cash, is there a way you'd prefer to be paid?"

He's wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Karkat and starts throwing the confetti at him instead. Karkat glares at him, and you take this moment to wipe all of the confetti off of yourself. By the time you're done, Karkat and Dave have started a full on confetti war in front of your house, just tossing handfuls of colorful paper strips at each other and yelling. 

"Listen, that sounds great, you guys." You interrupt quietly. The noise isn't exactly helping your headache. "But I gotta say no. Sorry."

They drop whatever confetti they had remaining and stop fighting. 

"Why?" Dave asks. You'll admit, it's a good question. You don't really have a good answer. 

You shrug.

"Did you already have lunch? Because we can do something else if you want, that was just a suggestion because it's around that time your species prefers their second meal. We're not opposed to doing something else-"

"I could skip lunch." Dave adds casually.

"No, you can't. That's not healthy, you're going to fucking eat something." Karkat replies before continuing. "Have we given you a tour of the troll kingdom yet? Or we could fuck around with the chess guys, they're all pretty nice. Or we could go see a movie? I heard there's supposed to be a new one out today that's supposed to be really good, and we could probably get in because you and Dave are gods and I'm the troll king so that should at least get us in to a movie premier, right? Or-"

"Karkat, I'm sorry." You shake your head. "I'd love to, maybe some other time, but I'm busy today."

"Oh." His shoulders slump, and wow, that hurt look in his eyes is really starting to make you feel bad about this. There's no way you're changing your mind, though. You're sticking to your resolve. "Okay."

"Sorry." You're about to close the door on the both of them and go back to your bottle when your stomach growls and betrays you. 

Dave raises an eyebrow accusingly at you. "Too busy for free food?" 

You don't have a good excuse. You're really not too busy for free food. There's nothing in your fridge. You throw open your door in a final effort to get them to go. "I'm not even dressed yet!"

Dave crosses his arms over his chest. "We'll wait."

"Okay," You give in. Dave and Karkat clearly have no intention of leaving you alone, so if you have to socialize today you may as well get some free food out of it, "I'll be a couple minutes. Do you want to come in and wait, or are you okay out here?"

They look at each other, exchanging glances in some silent form of communication that you don't understand. Rose could probably read both of them easily, maybe Jade, too. She's been spending a lot of time with them since the game ended.

You haven't been spending much time with anyone lately. 

Karkat nods, and Dave finally turns back to you with an answer. "We're cool here, take your time."

"I'll be out soon." You reply before finally, _finally_ closing the door again. It would be so easy for you to lock the door, go back upstairs, and drink the day away just like you'd intended to. You could do that. You really could. 

But you won't. 

You're going to go out and get lunch with Dave and Karkat, because you're hungry and they're your friends who came all the way out here to see you and it's-

and it's your birthday.

Today is your birthday, and you're going to spend some time with your friends and get something substantial in your stomach.

And after all that's over with, you're going to come home and drink what's left of that bottle in your bedroom until you can't remember what day it is.

You're counting on it.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]  
TG: hey yo what up my space playa everythings going according to plan on our end  
TG: i mean it took a minute he really didnt want to at first he was all like no way dude nuh uh dont wanna im too busy doing nothing or whatever  
TG: everythings cool though we wore him down like water beating rocks to sand and by that i mean we didnt actually beat him we were just relentless and we wouldnt leave until he agreed to come with us  
TG: he doesnt seem like he wants to go but we pretty much forced him into it so im not sure how much time you really have but you know what i guess i could just fuck some time shit up if it comes down to that  
TG: anyway as they say at nasa  
TG: or used to because nasa no longer exists and hasnt for a very long time fuck do we even have a space program should we fund one but do we even *need* one i mean we are the gods of the whole universe we literally invented space what do you think should we invest in a space program jade what say you  
TG: okay johns coming out and karkat wont stop poking me apparently we gotta go pronto so i guess were gonna have to talk about the final frontier some other time so speaking of which as they say at nasa  
TG: rockets are go  
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

You left for John's as soon as Dave started pestering you. You're glad he got you some time, and that he's willing to fuck shit up with time if need be. That's great. You hope John has fun with him and Karkat. 

You have all the stuff for a good party with you. Snacks, cake mix, party hats, a big ass birthday banner, the works. You know what you don't have?

A way into the house.

Apparently, when John left to hang out with Dave and Karkat, he locked the door. That's perfectly fine and all, you could easily break a window or climb through the chimney like Santa Claus only instead of Christmas presents you have-

shit, you don't have any birthday presents. 

Whatever, you can get him one later. Right now you should focus your attention on if you're using the chimney or the window to get inside. Neither option poses much of an issue. Breaking a window wouldn't be difficult, there's one right here in front of you, you could punch through it, crawl in, and fix the damage done after you finish setting up and the cake's in the oven. It can't be that hard to alchemize a pane of glass.  
That's assuming you have time to even get around to alchemizing one. You have no idea how much time you'll have, there's a chance John could come back before you even finish setting up. Nobody's going to be happy if there's glass all over the floor at the party. _John's_ definitely not going to be happy to have his window broken.  
Okay, chimney it is, then. 

"Jade!" Rose calls, you turn and see her touch down a few feet away from the house, one arm tightly clamped around Kanaya's waist. "Well, it appears we aren't late after all, Kanaya."

She and Kanaya walk over to you, matching strides as they approach the house and join you on the front step.

"We came as quickly as we could." Kanaya says. "Finding someone willing to look after the grubs on such short notice was a bit difficult, but we managed."

"Yes, Swifer was more than willing to watch them for awhile this evening. Which reminds me, we should probably call her in a few hours to check on the grubs."

"Swifer?" Kanaya repeats, her brow knit in confusion. "Rose, her name isn't Swifer."

"I know." Rose shrugs. "I honestly can't recall _what_ her name is, but she's been working with us in the caverns for so long that it's no longer appropriate for me to ask, so I've just been referring to her as Swifer. Swifer Eggmop."

"Rose, that is not her name but now that you mention it I am also having a difficult time remembering it." Kanaya admits. "I will be sure to tell you her name myself as soon as I remember what it is." 

"Feel free to refer to her as Swifer Eggmop until you do. Now then, shall we go inside?"

"I was just about to do that when you both showed up!" You say. "The door's locked, so I was going to climb down through the chimney. I'll unlock the door for you guys. Wait here."

"Is breaking down the door not an option?" Kanaya asks, pointing to the door. Admittedly, it does look a bit weak. Yeah, breaking it down wouldn't be that hard, either, you think.

Rose shakes her head. "It's not our door to break. If Jade wants to go through the chimney, she can go through the chimney. However, a question springs to mind in regards to that fireplace."

"What?" You reply. "Shoot."

"I was just wondering," she says, tapping her chin thoughtfully, "does John even have a working fireplace? Yes, the chimney's there, and yes, I definitely recall a mantle the last time I was in his house, but what I can't recall is if the fireplace itself was open. There's the possibility that it's boarded up, it doesn't seem to get cold enough on this part of Earth C to warrant the use of a fireplace."

"That's a good point." You don't really remember, either. Now that you think about it, it's been awhile since you were in John's house. "Actually, it doesn't really matter if it's not a working fireplace or not. I could just fly back out if the way's blocked, or maybe even break through the boarded up part if that turns out to be the quickest option."

You just want to get in there quickly, you're wasting precious time out here.

"That's true." Rose nods in agreement. "I suppose I wasn't really thinking in terms of god tier. You're right, this really shouldn't be an issue for you either way. Go ahead, Jade."

You fly up to the roof and land on the edge of the chimney. From here you can see Terezi flying over on her dragon jetpack.

"Hey!" You yell, waving hello to her.

You think you see her wave back, but you don't stay long enough to check. You jump into the chimney and let yourself float down to the bottom, mindful of the tight squeeze as you do so. This chimney was not built for the body of a healthy twenty-something. 

You reach the ground and discover that no, the chimney's not boarded up at all, thank goodness. You were more than willing to bust through, but again, that would take time you don't have. 

You duck out of the chimney and brush ashes off your skirt. Rose was wrong, apparently it does get cold enough to warrant the use of a fireplace. Either that, or John just wanted a fire. Whatever the reason is, it's not important. You're out of the chimney and in the living room now.

You go to the door to unlock it, when the knob starts to turn before you've even had a chance to touch it. You freeze where you stand. It can't be John, can it? No, of course not, he's out with Dave and Karkat. 

So what the hell's going on?

The door creaks open, and in walks Terezi, followed closely by Rose and Kanaya.

"What the hell?" You demand, glaring at each one of them in turn. 

"I have a key." Terezi says, holding it up to show you.

"We thought unlocking the door and walking in was the quickest and easiest solution." Rose says, closing the door behind her.

"I guess you're right." You sigh. "It doesn't matter, as long as we get started fast. One of us can bake the cake, while the rest of us set up decorations."

You take out the cake mix and hold the box up to show everyone. "Who wants to be on cake duty?"

Rose raises her hand. "I'll do it. It's just some simple direction following, isn't it? It shouldn't be that difficult."

 

It turns out, it was very difficult. At least, for Rose it was very difficult. 

You, Kanaya, and Terezi finished off decorating with time to spare. You'd even cleaned up the house a little. Terezi was just showing you how she could fit a party hat on each horn at the same time when the smell from the kitchen wafted in and alerted you to the fact that something was burning. 

You all dash into the kitchen and end up having a coughing fits when you enter the room, the smoke is that thick. You wave away the smoke with your hand and squint to see Rose sitting at the table, looking completely dazed as she stares at a steaming cakepan full of black char. 

"Rose, what happened?" You inquire. "That cake's supposed to be in the oven for another twenty minutes!"

She groans and lays her head down on the table. "I thought that maybe if I turned the oven up all the way it would cook faster."

"Well," Kanaya pokes the burnt mass with one claw, cracking through the thin surface, "you weren't wrong."

Rose groans again, and Kanaya immediately reaches over and pats her on the back, discretely wiping the crust stuck on her claw against Rose's shirt. 

"Okay." Things aren't going as well as you thought they would, but you'll make it work. Somehow. "We should open up some windows to let all this smoke out. Maybe this time we should all pitch in and help with the cake, since none of us have ever really baked before, right?"

There's nods all around. Nobody present so far has ever baked a cake in their life. Where the fuck is Jane when you need her?

Probably doing birthday things with Roxy and Calliope, since it's her birthday, too.

"I'll just pester Dave and tell him we'll need a little more time, after all. Then we can get started!"

"Get started on what?" 

You jump at the sound of Roxy's voice as she enters the kitchen with Jane. You didn't even hear them come in, which is ridiculous because you can literally hear as well as a dog. "The cake. It didn't turn out."

"Oh." Roxy grimaces when she sees the supposed cake, but she brightens up again just as quickly. "Lucky I brought Jane with me!"

"Would you mind baking the cake, Jane?" You ask. You'd understand if she didn't want to bake a cake for someone else on her birthday. "None of us know how to do it."

Jane shrugs, rolling up her sleeves. "I don't see why not. Do you have all of the ingredients?"

"Yeah!" You hand Jane the box of cake mix. You're glad you came prepared. You're pretty much back on schedule now. "Here you go."

Jane takes the box in both hands and stares at it before dropping it unceremoniously to the ground.

"No ecto-relation of mine is eating cake made from a box." She proclaims, pushing her way into the kitchen and to the refrigerator. "If we're baking a cake, we're baking it right."

She opens the refrigerator and doesn't find what she's looking for, then she opens up the cupboards above the stove and finds nothing there, either. She repeats this process with every drawer and cupboard in the kitchen.  
"John doesn't have anything to bake a cake with." Jane says, giving up on her search. "He doesn't have anything to make _anything_ with. There's no food here."

"Oh." Your heart sinks until it's practically in your stomach. How long has John's kitchen been empty? Does he eat at all?

He may be worse than you thought.

"Jade, how much time do we have before John comes back?" Jane asks.

"A couple hours." You answer. "Why?"

"Roxy, Calliope, and I will all go get the ingredients for the cake, maybe some groceries, too, while we're at it. You guys stay here and clean all the equipment so it's ready to use when we get back. Does that sound okay?"

You nod. 

"Okay. We shouldn't be too long, but if it seems like we're dillydallying then feel free to pester Dave and buy us some more time." She walks out of the kitchen and grabs Roxy by the hand, leading her out the door. "Toodloo!"

The door slams shut. Behind you, Rose, Kanaya, and Terezi immediately get to work. Kanaya's already washing the dishes while Rose and Terezi argue over the cakepan.

"Terezi, I'm not going to let you eat this, that's disgusting!" Rose insists, wrestling the pan away from her.

"But I want to try it!" Terezi whines, pulling it closer to herself. "Plus it'll be easier to clean if all the gunk is scraped off and in my belly!"

"She has a point there." Kanaya chimes in as she scrubs at a mixing bowl.

"Whose side are you on, Kanaya?" Rose demands, continuing her struggle with Terezi.

You open up a window to dispel the smoke that's still thick in the air. The pan crashes to the floor, only to be snatched up and ran away with. You can hear Terezi cackling as Rose gives chase. You sigh and stick your head out the window, and breathe deep lungfuls of fresh, not burnt-cake-scented-air.

This is going to take longer than you thought.

 

You're out with Dave and Karkat longer than you thought.

There was some discourse over where you were going to have lunch. Dave kept insisting on this planet's version of Chuck E. Cheese was the best, neigh, the _only_ option for a birthday lunch. Karkat argued that since it was _your_ birthday, you should choose where to have lunch. Besides, Dave always wants to go to Chuck E. Cheese, so they _always fucking go_ and Karkat doesn't give a taint licking _damn_ how fun the ball pit is, the characters look like lussi on that happy cherub drug and they freak him out. He can drown himself in a bottomless pit of urine soaked balls on his own time, thank you. Plus everybody always looks at him and Dave when they go over there because they're both mother grubbing _grown ups_ now, it's embarrassing and he hates it and he'd just rather not.

Anyway, you went to Chuck E. Cheese. Karkat acted like he hated it and spent the majority of your time there in the ball pit or trying to beat you or Dave at Whack-a-Mole. The pizza was good, actually it was better than you remember it being on Earth.

Maybe it was because you were eating it with friends? 

That's sort of a sappy thought. D'aaaaaw.

You spent a couple hours at Chuck E. Cheese, afterwhich you thought you would go home and get back to how you'd originally planned on spending your birthday. You're not sure how much longer you can be around your friends without dragging them down into your funk. They're clearly both in a pretty good place right now. They're both so happy, you don't want to do that to them.

After Chuck E. Cheese, you were completely prepared to leave. Dave and Karkat had other plans, though. The other plans being a movie marathon at their place. They just got the entire Ghostbusters franchise. _All of them._ That includes the dumb cartoon version that no one with anything resembling a life has heard of. It was sort of hard to get, dude. You're not going to let all their effort go to waste, right?

Right.

So you let yourself be dragged all the way over to their place to watch some movies. You'll admit, it's been awhile since you've watched Ghostbusters, and it's been even longer since you've been over to Dave and Karkat's. 

Their place is pretty big and, if you remember correctly from your initial tour, it's an almost exact replica of Karkat's old hive on Alternia. "Almost" because it's furnished pretty heavily by Dave's shitty jpeg stuff and junk they took off the meteor. The couch, for instance, came straight off the rock. You don't blame them for taking it, it's a pretty comfy couch.

You sink down into the cushions and spend a pretty enjoyable couple of hours watching Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2 with Dave, who's seen the movie enough times to do a running and commentary and make jokes that are perfectly timed right down to the second, and Karkat, who's never seen the movie at all and is constantly asking questions that you don't really know how to answer. You've seen the movies enough times yourself that you don't mind all the chatter going on around you at all. Honestly, it's pretty nice. You'd never realized you missed hanging out with them so much.

What you didn't miss were the looks. You'd made it about halfway through the second movie before you noticed the way Karkat and Dave kept looking at you. They look worried. Concerned. Sad. You don't want that. You don't want them to be sad or worried at all, because they don't need to be. After everything your friends have been through, they deserve nothing but happiness.

The thing is, you _know_. You _know_ the only reason they're worried or upset at all is because of you. It's all because you're not as happy as everyone else, not as satisfied with the life the game gave you as a prize for winning. You should be, you really _should be_ happy about this, but you can't seem to bring yourself to say you are for longer than a few hours without exhausting yourself. 

If you stay home and shut yourself away from your friends, eventually they'll forget about you and get on with their lives. They'll all be happy and have fun because there's nothing to worry about without you there to drag them all down.

The movie is starting to end. There's only a few minutes left before the credits roll. Honestly, you don't think you really care that much about how it ends right now. You just want to leave, but you know they'll be worried if you decide to just go before it's all the way over. This is _Ghostbusters,_ for Christ's sake, you wouldn't leave during _Ghostbusters._

But you're tired. So, so tired. "I think I'm going to go home after this."

Dave and Karkat both look at each other, and then Dave glances down at his phone. That's not the first time you've noticed Dave glancing down at his phone today. "Yeah, that's fine, dude. It's getting kinda late, anyway. Karkat and I'll get you home right after the movie ends. Cool?"

You nod, though you'd much rather go home by yourself. "Cool."

The movie ends, and the three of you get up and head back to your house. Dave has to carry Karkat all the way there because he can't fly himself. You can't imagine how much that must suck, since pretty much everyone else can fly, and they tend to do it a lot since it's a pretty quick and easy way to travel. 

You land at your door with Dave and Karkat right behind you. The house looks just as dark as you left it. You look up, and you can see your bedroom window from where you're standing. You can't remember if you put the bottle back in the drawer or if it's sitting on your bed. You didn't leave it open, did you?

"So, um..." Dave's rubbing his neck awkwardly, "bye, then."

"Yeah," you reply as you dig your key out of your pocket to unlock the door, "bye."

"Happy birthday." He adds.

"Thanks." You finally find the key and start to unlock the door.

"Hey, John?" You turn around and give Karkat your full attention. "Today was fun, even if we did go to Fuck E. Cheese like I said a _million gog damn times_ was a stupid idea, it was still one of the most fun times I've had in my entire shitty excuse of an existence. We should definitely do this again. Soon. I don't think we hang out enough."

Karkat makes a good point. You really don't. "You're right. We really should hang out more."

He nods, completely satisfied by you agreeing, and turns around to follow Dave out of your yard. You unlock your door and step inside. Time to make your brain as dark and empty as this house. You don't want to stub your toe on your way to the stairs, so you throw on the light and-

"SURPRISE!"

You're caught off guard by the shouts of surprise as your friends jump out of every hiding place your living room has to offer. Pretty much everyone you know is in here, except of course for Dave and Karkat, who are both behind you. Dave is again throwing confetti at you.

"Wow, what's this?" You ask. completely shocked.

"It's a surprise party, you dumbass." Dave answers as he rains confetti down on you. "Happy birthday!"

Jade runs up and straps a party hat to your head. "Happy birthday, John! Surprise!"

She takes you by the hand and leads you along to the kitchen, where you find a cake with twenty-one candles waiting for you to blow them out. You lean forward and blow them out before anyone even has the chance to tell you to make a wish, and everyone applauds. You smile, and your face goes into the cake faster than you can say "this can't be good for my glasses".

"Dave!" Jane scolds, punching him in the arm as you lick frosting off your lips. "I worked really hard on that cake, now nobody's gonna want to eat it now!"

"Hey, it's fine, it's _fine_." He insists. "I'll eat John's facecake if it comes down to it, Jane. It's probably a little eggy now, but I'm sure it's still delicious."

"What did you wish for?" Jade asks, swiping some frosting off your face.

You smile. "That's a secret."

You don't want to talk about it. 

The party's okay. There's snacks, which is good because you haven't eaten since lunch and you're starting to get a little hungry. Plus you don't have to go out of your way to socialize with anyone, you just sit on your couch by the snacks and they come to you. You still don't really _want_ to socialize right now (you know if you talk to any of them for too long, you're just going to upset them. That was why you'd wanted to go home in the first place, to be by yourself so you didn't get anybody else down with your mood), but at least you don't have to force yourself to strike up a conversation with anybody.

You ended up not having too bad a discussion with Jake about action movies. He still wants you to come over and watch Avatar, but after seeing his Halloween costume last year you're not really sure you want to do that. You'd countered with an offer of watching Con Air instead because somehow he hasn't seen it? How? 

After that, Rose and Kanaya came over and talked to you. They asked you how your day was, you told them everything between going to Chuck E. Cheese and coming back to eventually returning home again. You don't mention this morning at all.

Rose and Kanaya's day wasn't too eventful. They both came over as soon as they could to help Jade out with the preparations. Rose burnt the cake, and they had to get Jane's help to bake a new one since no one trusted their baking skills enough not to fuck it up.

"I guess this means none of the grubs should be expecting cake on their wriggling day." Rose sighs.

Kanaya shakes her head. "Grubs can't eat cake."

"Oh." She shrugs. "Well, the more you know."

"Although speaking of grubs, I should probably call Swifer and-" Kanaya pauses. "Fuck."

"Ha!" Rose tosses a throw pillow at Kanaya.

Kanaya rolls her eyes, but smiles as she disappears to make a call to you assume someone who must be their babysitter. Grubsitter? Whatever it's called.

You have an idle conversation with Rose, you can tell she wants to talk to you about what's been going on with you, but you've gotten pretty good at avoiding that. You ask her about the grubs, and she whips out her phone and shows you picture after picture of them, sometimes there's candid shots of your friends playing with the grubs sprinkled in. You're not in any of the pictures.

"I don't think I've met any of the grubs from the new brood." You admit as you scroll through the photos. Rose's phone is just full of pictures of grubs, cats, and Kanaya. 

"You're right, I don't believe you have." Rose agrees. "We're going to have to fix that. They should meet their uncle John at least once, don't you think?"

You nod, but before you can say anything more, Kanaya returns. 

"She said she would prefer if we return home now, but she's willing to watch them for a bit longer if need be."

"Who said?" Rose asks.

"Do I have to say it?"

"Yes."

"...Swifer Eggmop."

"The name just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?" Rose laughs. "At any rate, the party looks like it's dying down. I don't have any issue with going now, as long as John doesn't mind us ducking out early. John?"

You look around and yeah, the party does look like it's winding down pretty quickly. "Sure, go ahead."

Kanaya offers Rose her hand, which she takes. You stand up and walk them to the door. "Thanks for having us, John. This was fun."

"Thanks for coming over." You reply.

"Good night, John." Kanaya turns around briefly to say good bye to you. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks."

You close the door. 

You'd planned on returning to your spot, but in the time it took you to bid Rose and Kanaya farewell, your spot had gotten jacked by a sleeping Dave and Jade and Terezi, who is currently being used as a pillow by the other two.

"Terezi, what the fuck?" You demand. That was really fast. You weren't gone longer than a minute. Terezi holds a finger to her lips and shushes you, indicating the other two on the couch.

You don't want to wake either of them up, so you head to the kitchen where apparently everybody else has gone. The cake has been moved to the counter to make room for what you assume must be the world's most intense card game, at least that's what Jane and Karkat's faces are telling you. Dirk and Jake are also there, but they seem less involved with the game than the other two.

"Holy fuck, Jane, just answer the question!" Karkat snaps. "Do you have any threes or not?"

Holy shit, are they playing go fish?

Jane smirks. "Go fish."

They're playing go fish.

Karkat opens his mouth, fully prepared to lay a loud, shouty tantrum down on your kitchen table as he picks his card up out of the deck. You break in before he even has the chance to utter a word. "Make sure you guys keep the noise down, Dave and Jade are sleeping in the other room."

Karkat closes his mouth, looking somewhat disappointed that he didn't get to release whatever beautifully crafted insults he had at full rage volume, and proceeds to mumble under his breath as he shuffles his cards around in his hands instead.

"...don't even understand this game...fucking stupider than a grub who eats its own fecal matter...the shit's this even have to do with fish, I'm completely lost...am I even playing this right?...fuck, whatever I don't give a damn how this game is played as long as I end up serving you your own ass on a silver nutrition plateau, cake lady."

There was a lot more, but that's about all you can make out. It's weird how quiet Karkat can actually _be_ , considering his default volume is loud enough to be heard clearly within a ten mile radius. "Have any of you seen Roxy or Calliope?" You ask.

Dirk shrugs. "Nope. Haven't seen them in awhile, actually. Sorry, dude. Maybe they left?"

Jane shakes her head. "No, that can't be it. I asked them to wait until I'm done kicking Karkat's keister before we go. Maybe they're off canoodling somewhere?"

"Canoodling?"

"That's my best guess." Jane replies. "Did you need them for something?"

"No, I was just wondering where they went." You shrug. "Can I play next round?"

"Sure." Dirk says. "The game's probably gonna be a lot more mellow next round, though. Jane's leaving, and I don't think Karkat over here's gonna want to stick around after he loses."

"You don't know that I'm going to lose! Quit saying that shit!" Karkat hisses at Dirk before turning to you. "Actually, John, I had something I wanted to talk to you about. Would you mind waiting around until I'm done mopping the floor with these assholes?"

"Mopping the floor with us?" Dirk repeats, raising an eyebrow. "You don't even know how to play!"

"Which will make your defeat even fucking better!" Karkat declares vehemently.

"Okay, sure." You pull up a chair and take a seat. "I can wait."

Karkat loses. No one is surprised. He throws a fit about it, tossing his cards on the table, whisper yelling insults and obscenitites so he doesn't wake anybody up, the whole nine yards, but you don't think he's even surprised by the loss.

"That was a nice game," Jane stands up and stretches, "but I better skedaddle. I have a long day of meetings over at Crocker Corp tomorrow. Happy birthday, John."

"Thanks." You reply as she walks out of the kitchen. "Happy birthday to you, too, Jane."

Karkat pokes you in the shoulder to get your attention. You turn around, and he gestures towards the living room. "Let's go."

You nod and leave the kitchen. You assume Karkat wants to talk in the living room, where you notice Terezi has also joined Jade and Dave in sleep land. You stop, but Karkat walks right past you and goes up your stairs two at a time. He doesn't want to talk in your bedroom, does he?

You have a sinking feeling you left that bottle right out in the open. It's not going to end well if he finds it.

"Aren't you coming?" He asks.

You nod. "Yeah."

You go up the stairs and follow him, breathing a sigh of relief when he passes your room in favor of a window in the hall. He opens it and climbs out onto your roof. That's not exactly what you were expecting. You follow him out and close the window behind you.

He sits down, pulling his knees up to his chest, and looks up. This universe contains a lot more stars than you think yours must have, because the night sky is always brightly lit no matter where on the planet you are. They're all really pretty. Did Karkat call you out here just to look at the stars?

You guess you don't mind that, then. You lay down so you can have a better vantage point.

You're a few minutes in to your stargazing before Karkat says anything. "Hey, John?" 

"Yeah?" You turn your head and look at him. He's not looking at the stars anymore. He's looking at his feet.

"I'd ask you if you're okay, but you're clearly not and I don't want to hear you lie and say you are. I know you've been doing that. Don't say you haven't, because you have, and you still are. You're still doing it, so I'm just going to say it for you." His eyes meet yours. "You're not okay, John."

"Karkat, what the hell are you talking about?" You sit up. "I'm okay. I'm _clearly_ okay. See?" You gesture down at yourself, as if you don't know he's talking about you being okay emotionally and not physically. "There's nothing to worry about, I'm okay. Everybody's okay. All our troubles are over, we won the game, what could there possibly be to worry about?"

"I don't know." He admits. "But what I do know is that you haven't been...okay...since the game ended. Since we won. I don't know what you still have to worry about, but it's something, obviously. It's something and it's there and I don't know what it is, but it's keeping you from being happy and-"

"Karkat, I _am_ happy!"

"Are you, John? Are you really?" Karkat demands. "I don't think I've seen you smile _once_ since the game ended."

"I smile _all the fucking time._ " You argue weakly.

"Not sincerely!" He's staring at you now, straight in the face. He looks so worried that you don't want to look at him. This was exactly the thing you were trying to prevent. "Tell me _one time_ since we've been here that that stupid fucking grin wasn't forced, John. One time you didn't have to think about if before you did it. One time and I'll drop the subject and we can go back inside and pretend this conversation didn't happen."

You search your memory for some time, any time, since you've won the game and you smiled because you were happy and not because you thought it was the appropriate response. You sit there and you scour your mind for something, _anything_ you could use as an example so you don't have to have this talk.

You come up with nothing. 

Absolutely, positively nothing.

Karkat's shoulders slump. "I thought so. John, listen, I love you. Everybody here, literally _every single fucking person here_ loves you."

"I know." You love them, too. That's why you'd been trying so hard to keep to yourself. You don't want your loved ones to be hurt anymore. They're all fine now, they should stay that way.

"If you know that, then why are you doing this to yourself?" He asks. Fuck, it's such a simple question, but you have no idea how to answer it. You can't even look at him anymore. "John, I just...I want to help. Let me?"

He puts his hand on yours, and you can feel yourself break a little. 

No, you're not doing this. No.

You pull your hand away. It's a bit harsher than you mean it to be, but you've made your point clear. You don't want his help. You finally manage to look away from him and out into your empty yard, where there's nothing but your grass swaying in the faint breeze. You focus on that.

For some reason, Karkat's still here. "If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine, you could talk to someone else." He offers quietly. "Rose is a good listener. So's Kanaya. Dave's getting better at it, I think. If you don't mind switching quadrants, you could talk to Terezi, she's okay with advice and shit. I don't really care who you talk to, as long as it's someone."

He stands up, and you glance at him. He's rubbing his face with his sleeve. "I'm sorry that you're not okay, and I'm sorry that I'm such a shitty friend, John. I'm sorry that I have no idea what the problem is, I don't know how to help you, I'm so sorry."

That's it. You can't do this. You're hurting your friends no matter what you do. There's no point in what you're doing anymore. "Karkat, sit back down." He does what you ask and plops back down beside you. You're still not looking at him. It'll be easier for you to talk if you don't look at his face. "The problem is that there isn't a problem. During the game, there was so many things going on at once, so many battles to fight, so many people to meet, so many bad guy's asses to kick that it was really easy for me to just...forget about everything. Like how much dying actually hurt or how scared I was or...or how much I miss my dad."

You swallow. You've never told anyone about this before.

"I lost everything during the game, Karkat. Everything. I know everybody else lost just as much as I did, but...and this is going to sound terrible, believe me, I know how it sounds...but when we all got to the end...to here...it seemed like everybody's lives got better. Like everybody got back what they lost and then some. Rose is married now and she has a solid relationship with Roxy, who's pretty much her mom/daughter through ectobiology. Dave's got you and Dirk. Fuck, Jane's got Roxy, her company, _and_ her dad. And what did I get? Sure, I'm a god. I got the universe. But I didn't...I didn't get the _one person_ in the universe I wanted back."

You can't believe how much you just admitted. You'd thought you might feel better after finally revealing all of your troubles, but you honestly just feel even worse than before. You feel like you could cry.

He reaches over and wraps his arms around you. 

"Karkat?"

"This is the closest thing to shoosh papping you humans accept." He replies quietly, hugging you tighter. "I could stop if you want."

"No," you say, "this is okay."

You both stay out there hugging for longer than you'd like to admit. "I think we should go back inside now."

"Okay." He lets go of you reluctantly. "You know we're all here for you if you need anything, right?"

"Yeah, I know." You smile reassuringly. You think it might be the first time you've actually meant it. 

You and Karkat head back inside and try to suppress a yawn. You're pretty tired. You shuffle off to your room, ready to go to bed when another thought strikes you.  
"Karkat, come with me for a second." 

He nods and follows you over to your room. You gesture for him to wait outside your door for a minute. He gives you a confused look, but does what you ask.

You come back out a minute later and hand him the half a bottle you had left. "Here, take this."

He accepts it, holding it an arm's length away from him. "What the fuck do you want me to do with _this_?"  
"Whatever you want." You shrug. "Just as long as it's away from me."

"Okay." He nods. "Do you care if I stay here tonight? Dave's asleep and I don't want to wake him up to go home."

"That's fine, sure." You agree. "Good night, Karkat."

"Night, John." He heads down and stops when he reaches the foot of the stairs before calling back up to you. "Happy birthday."

You know what? you think as you close your door and climb into bed.

It actually was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy (belated) 4/13!
> 
> Thanks for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this!  
> Sorry about the lack of John...he's in the next one, promise!


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